Lai-didi-dai-dididididai dai dai dai dai dai dai dai Antisemitism needs to stop, it’s due to a lack of education We’re so sick of the myths, the stereotypes and the hateful accusations It’s a shame we can’t all get along and love our fellow man If we were left alone we’d finally complete our world domination plan I wear a skullcap on my head to hide my devil horns We control the media, we even have Ron Jeremy for porn We have an extremist fringe, they have fringes on their clothes Like Toucan Sam we get outta jams, we just follow our nose Yai-bibi-bai-bibibibi-bai bai bai Oy oy oy oy oy! Who strikes with throwing Stars of David? Our ninjews dressed in black We’d be unkillable if not for our kryptonite: the anxiety attack Our most potent chemical weapon is potato latke smell We put mind-control chips in pork to keep the gentiles under our spell Oy-oyoy-oy-oyoyoyoyoy oy oy kha kha kha kha kha! We’ve got a Fort Knox of baby foreskin, it fuels our doomsday device We’ve never sold our souls because we couldn’t jack up the price We’ll wait ‘til after Shabbos to set the world on fire Cuz you haggled over our bread prices and we hate challah cost-deniers We’ll turn all your toys to dreidels We’ll turn all your fish to gefilte Our overlord is the Jewish Mothership She controls us using guilt-eh We’ll go Jurassic and resurrect a carnivorous Dinah Shore When we take over the world we won’t have Christmas anymore

I’m new in town, but life’s getting me down Got no friends and nothing to do As a guy in my twenties without any money Socially I’m kinda screwed My old buddies got hitched then they suddenly ditched me Being single’s not fun anymore Well I tried OKCupid but it made me feel stupid, No girl wants me cuz I’m not six foot four But I have a plan, to tear down these walls It’s risky, well, it takes lots of balls I’m going on Grindr But just for a friend There’s reason to my rhyme, these are desperate times So I’m taking desperate measures But let me be clear, My eye is not queer I’m not looking for physical pleasures I simply desire a pal who can boost my morale I'll be making that clear as day I hope that’s alright, for me it's black and white There’s no 50 shades of gay We’ll watch movies with no sexual thrill Let’s Netflix and keep perfectly still I’m going on Grindr But just for a friend, with no benefits You’re welcome to flirt, but my libido’s inert Don’t bother, you’re set up to fail Let’s compare shared interests, don’t send me your dick pics, they’ll all wind up in my junk mail When you stop by my pad we will face off in Madden Then we'll smoke a bowl and kick our feet up That’s what I meant when I said "I’ll show you a good time" I want to meet up, but NOT get your meat up I only want you to fill me with glee There's no ifs ands or buttsex for me I’m going on Grindr, but just for true love

This quaint little new age town has made a whole new man out of me Before I was so mainstream but now I’m one with alternative society I go to a reiki master, any ailment his energy flow can correct The only thing it can’t cure is skepticism that it’s all placebo effect I buy the whole bar a round of raw milk They’ll pay me back through barter trade But I won’t make any deals While Mercury’s in retrograde Welcome to granola world Where so many offbeat lives unfurled This is my home truly, We go together like dreadlocks and patchouli It really gets me high How folks here look me in the third eye This drum circle’s giving off good vibrations, Sigmund Freud would say I have an aura fixation I’m in a club for laughter yoga and lovingkindness meditation The moms bring their kids to chicken pox parties, they tell me that’s safer than vaccination My deodorant is chemical-free, so it won’t oppress my armpit’s natural scents I can only get laid at music festivals, so when I make love it’s in tents (I’ll camp out on that punchline) When my mom disinfected my kitchen I held a funeral for the dead protozoa I won’t buy food with ingredients I can’t pronounce So I won’t eat "quinoa" Namaste granola world I love to hula hoop and fire twirl My new friends are quirky But you will love their thanksgiving Tofurkey Every day’s like summer camp Just with a Himalayan pink salt lamp We want to change the world with a Dalai Lama quote But we’re not registered to vote (Instrumental) It’s a whole new granola world It’s my oyster with eco-friendly pearls My beard’s adorned with flowers I dance in the rain instead of taking showers My chakra gemstones rock But I’m just compensating for the size of my compost pile I’m against materialism and greed That’s why whatever I earn, I spend it all on weed

I’m seeking a job, no luck, I’m going out of my mind And my attempts with girls are like my credit cards, keep getting declined But I’ve stumbled on a great solution that’ll help me get by Because there’s a place that’ll pay me well, all I gotta do is unzip my fly At the sperm bank, sperm bank Donating will make me feel so good At the sperm bank, sperm bank A whole new way of making paper from wood I can pass on my genes with no infant screams or child support As long as I’m college educated, with no history of genital warts Each woman browses detailed prices & resumes for every sample provider I dip my denim pants in unfiltered apple juice Because I want my genes inside her At the sperm bank’s no place for shooting blanks I’d have saved those used tissues if I knew I’d get paid I’m a sperm banker, a professional wanker I can be an alpha male without ever getting laid, ooh yeah At the sperm bank, I’ll give it a firm spank Only 10,000 hours til mastery This turns my crank so I’ll affirm thanks I swear I’ll give testimony once they give me teste money Let’s do this! The nurse led me to the masturbatorium Handed me a cup then slammed the door I should’nt have brought along my blacklight pen I mean what were they thinking with a carpeted floor Then I realized that if my seed impregnates multiple local mothers There’s a chance my biological offspring could meet And wind up boning each other At the sperm bank, I learned some news that’s displeasing The deal fell through, it got the bulldozer Apparently my little sperms didn’t survive cryo-freezing Now I’m not a rockstar donor, I’m just a cum-poser

Attention passengers, please remain calm My chapstick fell, I dropped the balm Islam forbids me from being gay But my boyfriend’s a gorilla, that’s haram bae Aye caramba who ate my shorts The pig with papilloma, that’s Hogwarts Slap my wall with spaghetti to test if it’s ready Jack off a clown to make him cumfetti It takes too long to make oolong T Synesthesia crunch the taste you can see Let’s sloppily make out like bandits I wish I had boobs, I’m a praying Mantits So glitter them for glamoury mammaries Just a gram of my grammar will make your grandma burn calories Like spoiled Sting, I’m temper tantric You hate my puns, that’s anti-semantic Everybody, sing along, because here’s the easy part of this song (2x) I’m a taxidermist, I kill it I fill it I’m a pansexual I lick the skillet I smell what you’re cooking, chicken cacciatore Don’t bang teenagers on the counter, that’s kitchen statutory Like Luigi you’ll get one-upped, The floor is lava watch me erupt I make borscht from the beats I drop below I wear a tampon because I’ve got heavy flow Oh that’s just a wet dream, I spilled coffee on my jeans I should’ve left room for cream I caught Z’s like a Polish dictionary Who took my money and my teeth? The meth addiction fairy Like a Seinfeld bass, I slap my pitches Now watch me master bait & switches, Don’t be unnerved I’ve got fresh jams, they’re well preserved Everybody sing along, because here’s the easy part of this song (2x) Take an R2Detour, because I C 3 P.O. Three officers to bust me, I’m on parole They say settle down but I’m not gonna I don’t wanna marry but I do marijuana So this is a potbelly not a beergut I got balls to the window then I bust a wallnut Let’s get it on like Pokemon, shut the door because I’m about to make you Vulvasore Shun Sean Hannity, save the manatee, Fair as vanity, whoop! there goes my sanity My food truck is Halal, that’s smart, Because I serve Allah cart I’ll stop before your jaws hit the floor, I’m done with puns, but wait there’s more! President Garfield died on a Monday, Popstar with big nipples, Areola Grande Everybody sing along, because here’s the easy part of this song (2x)