I’m new in town, but life’s getting me down
Got no friends and nothing to do
As a guy in my twenties without any money
Socially I’m kinda screwed
My old buddies got hitched then they suddenly ditched me
Being single’s not fun anymore
Well I tried OKCupid but it made me feel stupid,
No girl wants me cuz I’m not six foot four

But I have a plan, to tear down these walls
It’s risky, well, it takes lots of balls
I’m going on Grindr
But just for a friend

There’s reason to my rhyme, these are desperate times
So I’m taking desperate measures
But let me be clear, My eye is not queer
I’m not looking for physical pleasures
I simply desire a pal who can boost my morale
I'll be making that clear as day
I hope that’s alright, for me it's black and white
There’s no 50 shades of gay

We’ll watch movies with no sexual thrill
Let’s Netflix and keep perfectly still
I’m going on Grindr
But just for a friend, with no benefits

You’re welcome to flirt, but my libido’s inert
Don’t bother, you’re set up to fail
Let’s compare shared interests, don’t send me your dick pics, they’ll all wind up in my junk mail
When you stop by my pad we will face off in Madden
Then we'll smoke a bowl and kick our feet up
That’s what I meant when I said "I’ll show you a good time"
I want to meet up, but NOT get your meat up

I only want you to fill me with glee
There's no ifs ands or buttsex for me
I’m going on Grindr, but just for true love